Experience continues to prove that miracles do occur.  Summer break is over and I’m back to school.  Campus is a lot bigger and nicer (less thugs).  They must have an Advanced Thug-deterrent System at the front, because it seems to be working nicely.

The rabbit picture yesterday was from “American McGee’s Alice”, which is possibly the greatest video game of all time.  It got me started with my Lewis Carrol obsession.  The game takes the story of Alice a few years into the future (she’s 17, I believe).  American McGee gives a truly bizarre, demented twist on Wonderland… in brief, the Tweedles are obese cannibals, the Duchess dies by sneezing her head off, the Queen of Hearts is a monstrous creature that symbolizes Alice’s insanity, the Mad Hatter is a giant maniac who turns children into machines, and Alice carries a butcher knife.  As far as wild bloodletting with amazing music and a story that could make you cry… this is the best it gets.

The levels are totally insane (which makes sense… they’re supposed to symbolize Alice taking a trip into her own mind).  Sometimes the room you stand inside will split open in the middle, with only a swirling abyss beneath, and shrieking demon-things around every corner (plus, your weapons are stuff like croquet mallets and playing cards, as opposed to the M-16 that would be more useful…)

Not scarier than Silent Hill.  But close.  I’m still waiting on the movie to come out…

In other news: My God, this monitor is immense.  I’ve never seen one so big.

You guys like any video games?  I’m still bummed that Half-Life 2 crashed my computer so badly…

God, I just love Lewis Carrol.

Also, it has been confirmed that KEN (as in Barbie) will be a toy in Toy Story 3.

I’m working on ideas for Guylight.  I think I’ll put it on a seperate site and not tell anybody about this site unless I’m ENTIRELY CERTAIN that I won’t get any hate for it.  It’s a joke.  I hope people can take it as a joke.

Begin purchasing hard hats.

I just saw the world’s most totally ludicrous ad.  It had two frames, as follows:

WHAT?  Since when can you furnish an entire apartment for $15?  And stuff at Sam’s isn’t exactly Goodwill-quality, either.

So I got online and looked up exactly what sort of furniture I could buy for fifteen dollars.  I came to the conclusion that I could buy: an old microwave, a bottle of something cheap, or a kleenex box.  Coincedentally, ALL of these appear in the above picture!  Wow!  Sam’s really thought this one through.

So I guess I’m set for college.  I know *exactly* the things I need to buy to “furnish my whole apartment.”

Gah… morons.

HOW THIS COULD BE BETTER: Remove the guy’s beard.  Make the gift card worth more.  Explain why so many random objects are all on the same aisle.

Oh, and this whole thing inspired me to create a comic book:

Gloom.  Despair.  Library fees.

Each of these words rang through Our Hero’s noble mind as he left the forest of the… elves.  He growled.  He grumbled.  He bit his tongue until it hurt.

“How did I get tricked into this?” he demanded.

“You volunteered,” Chubcheeks said.  “By the way- here’s the Mysterious Amulet (2d10) I stole from you.”

“What Mysterious Amulet (2d10)?” Miftak said.  “I had no such Amulet!”

“And why is “Mysterious Amulet (2d10)” capitalized?” asked the wizard whose spells never went right.

Miftak took an amulet shaped like a skull from Chubcheeks.

“Hmmn… someone must have slipped this in my pocket while I slept.  It looks cursed!  And it beeth the color of mustard!”

“Tut, tut,” said the wizard.  “I’m an expert on these things.  That amulet will bring you nothing but good luck and short red lights!”

Miftak greedily put on the amulet.  He whistled and dropped dead.

“Wow,” said Chubcheeks.

“Oops,” said the wizard.

“Arf,” said the dog who could talk.

“Isn’t it ironic,” said the wizard, that he’s the only fantasy character who’s last word was ‘mustard’?”

Despair fell like an Acme anvil over our now-slightly-diminished band of Heroes.  Quickly they decided to perform a lavish funeral for the dead Miftak, but instead wrapped him in newspapers and dumped him off of Mount Gluck.

JUST THEN… the towering shadow of Trembleteeth the Troll was cast over our now-slightly-diminished band of Heroes!

“FEE FI FO FUM!” roared the troll.  “I smell the blood of an Englishman!”

WILL OUR SLIGHTLY-DIMINISHED BAND OF HEROES ESCAPE THE RAVAGES OF TERRIFYING TROLL?   WHAT IMBECILE SLIPPED THE AMULET INTO MIFTAK’S POCKET?  IS IT EVER WORTH WONDERING?  FIND OUT NEXT TIME!